Thursday, April 29, 2010

The loss of Music

OK guys so I am still in London and will not leave until Tuesday so we can stop playing a live “Where’s Waldo”

So can I just say I love London, because I really do.

Besides all the amazing historical things there are here, you know the tower the bridge ect, there are some randomn but equally fascinating places to go here. For example today when I was getting the feeling that I was hopelessly lost I cam across “The Clink” which is apparently englands oldest prison and is also the reason we know jails as clinks nowadays. So I spent an afternoon looking at thumbscrews, what a great city.

But besides that the people here are just so polite it borders on mania, particularly if your being hit on which is a nice break from “hey baby” or the infamous “juicy”. In fact one of the last guys to hit on me gave be 3 pounds of my leg of lamb.

It has been ,onlier then I thought it would be though. It’s hard to travel alone. I know that I’m extremely lucky to be in London and to be traveling but it’s hard to be alone all the time when I’m used to constantly being surrounded by the people I love. I particularly miss texting. Even though I have a phone that can text the times are so off that it’s hard to reach anyone that has a real life, which is all of you, and leaves me the most alone I’ve ever been.

Luckily I have my ipod to be my friend and create a soundtrack for my travels, but even that feels slightly off. Almost none of my music has the right feel for what I’m going through right now. Except Tom Petty, because he is after all the only man who will ever understand. It’s strange, it’s as if this music I used to be so connected to has become like old photos or yearbooks, something I hold very dear but is no longer very….current? I’m not sure. It just gives me the feeling that a chapter of my life is ending and a new completely empty one is looming over me.

It’s like I’m listening to the old me fade away and am emptying myself. It’s just strange because there is no immediate filler.

The possibilities are beyond endless, they are practically paralyzing. Sometimes I’m so scared and awestruck and excited and just filled with an ecstasy that I get to feel this and suddenly relish in my ability to live. Or I cry.

Anyway hugs and kisses my darlings I love and miss you all more then you can imagine

Love Aliya

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On the ground

Yes, I know it's been forever since I updated.

Ok guys so I am currently typing this on word and hoping to actually put it up on the blog later so forgive me if the chronological order is off.

I finally, after 12 hours that lasted forever, landed in London today. After managing to somehow survive Heathrow, or as I affectionately call it Hitler’s beige maze of doom, I discovered that for the first time in history the weather in London is better then the weather back home. So if you are looking to get to London now is the time.

As much as I love London I already miss everyone and everything back home terribly. The thought of not seeing anyone’s happy smiling faces for 6 months is actually enough to cripple me with sadness- which is why I was the strange crying girl on the plane. Thank god my friend Evan burned me “Gone With the Wind” or I would have spent the entire flight a complete wreck. Luckily Ms. Katie Scarlett can always keep me together.

It feels strange to be so disconnected from my home as I begin this journey. I feel a profound emptiness at the thought of my world of 19 years continuing without me, but in a way it is also incredibly freeing. It’s as if fore the first time I am wholly myself and nothing else, there is no one and nothing causing me to be connected to the world and in that way I completely own myself. It’s a strange sense of independence I imagine everyone at one point feels. As if you are floating in nothing with your feet firmly planted in your mind. It’s a strange exhilaration to have nothing but yourself to hold onto at the moment because you know every decision is yours, every word is yours, every thought is yours and yours alone as nothing from your home can dilute it. It’s terrifying but it is also wonderful. I wonder if those of you who left me to my foul job at Macy’s and Starbucks, cough Alison and Jamie cough, feel that same way or if it requires a complete disconnect from your world.

It’s strange to know you are alone without even the comfort of the internet to connect you back home. It leaves an emptiness that has suddenly filled me with possibility. I am beyond exhilarated. I am on a plane that is completely me and me alone. It is so much more beautiful and profound and terrifying and glorious and awe-inspiring that I can explain. Like being your own thunderstorm.

Don’t get me wrong though. I do love and miss you all already and I will hold my plane notes and my book so dear.

Stay out of trouble my loves for I will need you all in one piece when I return.

Love always always always and a million times over,