Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On the ground

Yes, I know it's been forever since I updated.

Ok guys so I am currently typing this on word and hoping to actually put it up on the blog later so forgive me if the chronological order is off.

I finally, after 12 hours that lasted forever, landed in London today. After managing to somehow survive Heathrow, or as I affectionately call it Hitler’s beige maze of doom, I discovered that for the first time in history the weather in London is better then the weather back home. So if you are looking to get to London now is the time.

As much as I love London I already miss everyone and everything back home terribly. The thought of not seeing anyone’s happy smiling faces for 6 months is actually enough to cripple me with sadness- which is why I was the strange crying girl on the plane. Thank god my friend Evan burned me “Gone With the Wind” or I would have spent the entire flight a complete wreck. Luckily Ms. Katie Scarlett can always keep me together.

It feels strange to be so disconnected from my home as I begin this journey. I feel a profound emptiness at the thought of my world of 19 years continuing without me, but in a way it is also incredibly freeing. It’s as if fore the first time I am wholly myself and nothing else, there is no one and nothing causing me to be connected to the world and in that way I completely own myself. It’s a strange sense of independence I imagine everyone at one point feels. As if you are floating in nothing with your feet firmly planted in your mind. It’s a strange exhilaration to have nothing but yourself to hold onto at the moment because you know every decision is yours, every word is yours, every thought is yours and yours alone as nothing from your home can dilute it. It’s terrifying but it is also wonderful. I wonder if those of you who left me to my foul job at Macy’s and Starbucks, cough Alison and Jamie cough, feel that same way or if it requires a complete disconnect from your world.

It’s strange to know you are alone without even the comfort of the internet to connect you back home. It leaves an emptiness that has suddenly filled me with possibility. I am beyond exhilarated. I am on a plane that is completely me and me alone. It is so much more beautiful and profound and terrifying and glorious and awe-inspiring that I can explain. Like being your own thunderstorm.

Don’t get me wrong though. I do love and miss you all already and I will hold my plane notes and my book so dear.

Stay out of trouble my loves for I will need you all in one piece when I return.

Love always always always and a million times over,

1 comment:

  1. "Hitler’s beige maze of doom"
    joy, I gotta deal with that in a few yrs :P

    and I know what you mean :)
    not having to be a certain way because no one expects you to be that way where you are, you can just be you at every moment!
    I know it's not very comparable, but that's what going to Madison has been like for me (unlike ISU or Champaign where you're bound to run into familiar faces haha)

    keep on sister \m/